First posted in a
different form on
March 2, 2013
Virgin Witch blows the lid off the late Sixties, early Seventies modeling scene. Two sisters head off for a modeling shoot only to find the whole affair a front for a coven of Witches led by a dirty old man and a lesbian. Who is of course evil. Because it’s the Seventies.
Oh, and that title? Becomes quite inappropriate long before the one it refers to actually becomes a Witch. For the record.
Anyway, it wasn’t until the reboot here that I realized how close this came was to Le lac des morts vivants. You can’t begin to believe how happy it made me, a lonely Heterosexual man, to have to watch two flicks that made female nudity absolutely boring almost back to back.
No. You can’t. You really can’t.
It’s not like Virgin Witch has anything else going for it. It’s a dull movie that substitutes attractive nude women for any type of suspense or characterization. Over and again.
Had the movie bothered to do more than a half-hearted effort towards Horror, it might have been a mediocre time killer. Or hey, maybe even something worth watching at all. It didn’t. Nowhere near (0.5 points)
The more I think about this movie, the more I want it set on fire, covered with bees, and forced to listen to a single out of tune note repeatedly for the rest of time. Copies of this should be kept out of children’s hands for fear of stunting their growth. Any company that releases this flick on DVD or any other format should be duly embarrassed that they have done so.
If I haven’t been clear, I really don’t like this movie. If this was a TV murder mystery series, I’d either be the guy framed for its murder or the actually murderer who laughs maniacally over what he had done as the police drag him away (0 points).
And to think I could have watched a Uwe Boll movie instead.
What terrible choices we make.
Overall Score: 0.5 total points out of a possible 4